just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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