Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
