maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
