I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
