Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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