mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
