just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
