the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
