i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
