My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
