i love accidental penises.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
