she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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