Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
