My cat gives me a boner
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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