so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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