Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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