Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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