I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
