Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize