he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
