They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think i have two assholes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
