when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
