The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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