I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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