Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
