i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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