Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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