Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
