i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
