Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
