the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
