I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
