My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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