dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
