So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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