i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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