How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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