you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
