She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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