chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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