the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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