Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
