I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
