I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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