Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
