Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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