They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
