dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
