i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize