she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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