Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
