tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
