He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
