My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
