I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
