words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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