did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
