I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is my gift to your gina
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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