connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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