No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
