You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
