Need sex. Gaining weight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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