I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
