Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
