real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
