Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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