I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize