i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
