I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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