3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
