so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
