Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
