If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
