mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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