is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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