i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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