11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
