im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
