I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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