Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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