I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
