After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
