if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
high people should be assigned attendants
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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