yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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