If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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