I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
