Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
