the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
