She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
