we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
