I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
