rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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