lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
