My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
