just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
