I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
