Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
