I can feel you judging me through the phone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
