You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
