when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize