Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
