I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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