I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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