at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
