I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
