dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
