no, he came in my armpit
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize