so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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