She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
