pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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