it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
