ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize