Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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