I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize