just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
