I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
