Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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