i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
