Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
