she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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