i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
