Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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