Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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